“When did you stop beating your wife?”

It’s the ultimate unanswerable allegation — up there with “When did you stop having sex with children and interns?” Simply asking the question is enough to force the accused to prove a negative. And in today’s hyperkinetic, scandal-saturated, 24/7 media culture, simply asking those questions — without a scintilla of evidence to back them up — is also enough to begin a rapid race to the bottom.

Allegations of wife beating came to mind recently when Internet gossipmeister Matt Drudge, best known for his role in the Bill Clinton-Monica Lewinsky sex scandal, wrote on his web site that five media organizations were investigating “the nature of a relationship” between Senator John Kerry and a “woman who recently fled the country.” Drudge produced no evidence to show such a relationship existed.

Drudge specializes in such cybersludge, consistently retailing unsubstantiated gossip online and then watching it spread through the media omniverse like a malignant virus, from the Internet to talk radio to British tabloids, and eventually on to the mainstream.

A few years ago, he smeared my old pal Sidney Blumenthal, accusing him without basis of beating his wife Jackie. I took both professional and personal umbrage at Drudge’s unfounded attack, since I worked with Sid back in the day and attended their wedding. Now Drudge is up to his old dirty tricks again — not only lying about Senator Kerry, but also dragging poor Alexandra Polier into the global media mud with him.

Here’s how the scam worked: literally within minutes of Drudge’s posting, drug addict Rush Limbaugh (see? anyone can play this vile game!) was talking about the report on his nationally syndicated talk show. Sean Hannity swiftly followed suit. Then conservative British tabloids rewrote Drudge. One scandal sheet, The Sun, even made up a quote from Polier’s father (who plans to vote for Kerry for president) that the Senator is “a sleazebag.”

Next came Don Imus’s syndicated show, when Kerry was forced to respond to the rumor. “There is nothing to report,” Kerry said. “So there is nothing to talk about.”

Nonetheless, the chattering continued. The New York Times reported the Imus-Kerry exchange the next day, and. the New York Post and New York Daily News put it on their front pages.

In the end, the once-anonymous Alexandra Polier issued a statement to the Associated Press in a futile attempt to spike the rumor. Cable networks immediately reported the story, and other media soon followed.

Are Matt Drudge and Rush Limbaugh backing off their character assassination? Have they issued an apology for smearing two innocent people and harassing their families without a shred of evidence?

Of course not! Instead they claim the incident merely proves the canard that the media have “a liberal bias.” Drudge told USA Today that “major media ought to be ashamed of themselves” for not pursuing his “red-hot story.” Limbaugh added that the media are guilty of a double standard, and the denials by Kerry and Polier “raise more questions than they answer.”

Before Kerry and Polier answer any more questions, I have a few of my own for Matt Drudge. (Rush will have to wait for another day, alas!)

1. After all this time, sir, have you no shame?

2. Why don’t you stop impersonating a journalist and get a life?

3. When did you start beating your gay intern lover?